We went to Orange at the weekend, partly to take the new car for a drive, partly to try some of the local wines. Quite possibly to have something to write about.

I must have drunk wine from Orange before, I’ve certainly read about the cool climate conditions and I had high hopes of finding something special, particularly on the chardonnay front.

Before heading off to any wineries we went to a tasting place in town called Ferment. As I made my way through half a dozen chardonnays, from $22 to $35 (I’m sure the $22 could be found for under 20) I found myself thinking of Twiggy, the diminutive model who took London by storm in the late sixties.

I wasn’t thinking of her eyes. I was thinking of her boobs, or rather, the lack of them. A search on Twiggy shows that, at the time she was a little over 5’6” and measured 31-24-33.

All the Chardonnays were well made, finely balanced and true to character, but none of them had what you might call a generous bosom. They were definitely attractive, but I found myself wanting more up-front.

The same could be said of the Pinot Noir, which were more like something from the Loire – very pale, restrained and elegant, but definitely drinkable as long as you knew what you were getting.

The best wine I had was a merlot. But it wasn’t under $20. It was over $70 and bloody good, thank you Philip Shaw (2009, No.7).

Twiggy’s small breasts don’t make her any less attractive according to Professor Devendra Singh’s waist:hip ratio for peak female attraction (0.73 against the ‘perfect’ 0.7). For men, the number is 0.85. I suspect there’s a ratio for perfect wine too, based on fruit, alcohol and acid/tannin.

https://www.timeshighereducation.co.uk/news/085-seeks-07-for-24/94779.article

We did see the perfect wombat going up Mount Canobolas. Unlike most of the ones we passed, this one was very much alive and positively galloped into the bush after we pulled over to take a photo. He had long legs and a lovely golden red coat. He reminded me of my friends Dave and Graham.

The best thing I tasted was actually a pain au chocolat at the French patisserie in Bathurst. Best one I’ve ever had, anywhere. (It’s in Keppel Street if you’re interested.)

On the way back we stayed with some friends outside Lithgow. We started off drinking one of the Twiggy chardonnay’s I’d bought, and then moved on to a much fuller sauvignon blend from the Barossa, and another, and a Temprallino from Spain. All of which were C cup to my A cup. All of which cost under $10 from Aldi.

It’s a confusing world.