I know that at this time of year you do the rounds, delivering gifts to those whose good behaviour over the year deserves a reward. Below are some suggestions for those who deserve to be recognised with some wine. I’ve created a scale – the good equivalent to Dante’s Nine levels of hell – where the most benevolent get the best grog. Think of it as a virtuous exchange rate.

1. I’ve been positively Saintly. Beatification can’t be far off, the least I can expect is to be nominated for Australian of the Year.

We’d recommend a Billecart Salmon Rosé Champagne between $135 and $150. This is what they drink in heaven – if they drink in heaven.

2. Please don’t get me anything, I don’t drink.

That sounds like a challenge. At the risk of insulting/corrupting an innocent soul, here’s a wine that will challenge your teetotal position – Bass Phillip 2021 Pinot Noir $100.

3. I’ve paid all my taxes and donated to lots of charities. But perhaps I erred on the Voice referendum.

How about a more progressive take on tradition, with a Christmas pudding you can drink? Sanchez Romante Carednal Cisneros Pedro Ximenez, $70.

4. I’ve adopted three abandon dogs, two cats and a rabbit. I really regret the rabbit.

You deserve more than a pat. Try a Dog Point Section 94 Sauvignon Blanc 2011, $45. By comparison, most Marlborough SBs are mere pups.

5. I’ve used public transport to get to work all year and have a Keep-cup. I also offset by flight to Europe.

Enjoy some forgivable Carbon Dioxide emissions with House of Arras Blanc de Blancs NV. A consistently impressive bubbly from Tassie. 94 Points Halliday Wine Companion 2021 $40

6. I have had lustful thoughts about a certain person at work but haven’t acted on them even though I think he likes me.

Time these two shared a bottle. Something joyful and not too serious, like Avalon Rosé, $38.

7. I don’t believe in Santa Claus. But I always buy the Big Issue.

2017 Mt Pleasant Elizabeth Cellar Aged Semillon. This remarkable Semillon may well challenge your belief system. $27

8. I always put the loo seat down after I’ve had a pee – apart from that one time.

Skillogalee Clare Riesling about $20. An honest wine, for an honest truth.

9. Although I was disappointed with the result, I didn’t lambast the NSW NRL team for losing the State of Origin series.

Taylor’s Promised Land, Cab Merlot  – their Shiraz recently won the world’s best red wine award so you probably won’t be able to find it. Try this instead and pray for the promise of a 2024 series win. $16

So, Santa, I hope this helps. If you don’t have any of the above in stock, do a search on the names and you’ll discover who has, and for how much. Merry Christmas.